Thoughts
Mood:  quizzical
I have spent some time today thinking. About money, about things, about me, about others. And yes, thinking does hurt my brain. In checking over my finances and looking at things that I have to get paid this month I have realized that I am slightly short. Most of this is due to the bill that I will have when I get my tooth removed. If I take that bill out of the way then I will have all the rest of my bills covered. This leaves me in a tough spot. My tooth is no longer hurting (it comes and it goes) so I could put off having it removed a month or two. This will allow me to make all my payments this month and save up some money towards having the tooth removed. Right now I am leaning that way. I really do not have much of a choice at this time though. I will write more later tonight. Bye for now.

June 29
Mood:  cool
I went swimming today. Spent about 30 minutes in the pool before getting out. Had a lot of storms in the area and the dark clouds were moving in. I also worked for a couple hours tonight. I am now off work until next Wednesday. After work I went to the bookstore and talked with the employees. I worked with Waldenbooks over the winter and so was just catching up with people I had not seen in a while. Was quite a lot of fun just hanging out with people and talking. I plan to go back in again next week to talk to them again. Well, that about sums up my day. Not much going on really. Talk more later.

June 28, 2005
Mood:  spacey
Now Playing: My Yahoo music station
Lets see what I can write today. Not a whole lot really. I spent most of the day on the computer and a little bit reading. Other then that, nothing. Only time I left the apartment was to get my mail and to take out the trash. Past that I talked with a couple people online. That was about it for my day. Watching a little tv right now. Will be going to bed soon and do a little reading before going to sleep.

Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: My Yahoo music station
Not much to write about today. I woke up at my usual late hour, spent most of the day playing Star Craft or on the internet. I also went to work for a couple hours. All in all, a boring day. I may go to Orlando tomorrow to watch Howl's Moving Castle, but I am not certain. It will depend on how I am feeling tomorrow.

Week of June 27 to July 4
Yes, it is a little more then just 1 week, but that is ok. The July 4th weekend really shouldn't be split up.

Sometime this week:

Go see Howl's Moving Castle.
Check out some new books and maybe buy 1 or 2.

Monday June 27:
Work at Sylvan from 5-7

Tuesday June 28:
No plans

Wednesday June 29:
Work at Sylvan from 5-7

Thursday June 30:
Bowl at Orange Bowl starting at 6:45

Friday July 1:
No plans

Saturday July 2:
No plans

Sunday July 3:
No plans

Monday July 4:

Going to the Bar-be-que that my apartment complex is having. It is supposed to be from 12 to 4. I will probably go early that way I make sure that I am able to get something to eat. Since I do not eat meat that is attached to the bone I need to make sure that all the hamburgers and hotdogs are not gone.

Doesn't look like that busy of a week for me.

Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Yahoo Music
I said that I would be posting today, and here I am. So lets see, what can I add.

At the end of May I went to the doctor to talk to her about some things, how I was feeling, what I was feeling, sleep issues, etc. We decided on a couple things. One of which is that I will go on anti-depressants. I have been taking these for almost a month now. Are they helping me? I don't know. I do feel better, but I think I am still having problems. A lot of that is self esteem. I don't know if I have much confidence in myself. I think I know what part of the problem is, and I know that there is nothing that can be done about that problem. Some of the other problems I am trying to work on. I have started trying to do things with other people. I really do not get out much, and when I do it is generally by myself. I am at least asking people and trying to get out. People are not always albe to do things with me and I am a little more understanding of that and try not to take it so personally. I also was put on muscle relaxers to help me relax enough so that I can get to sleep. I can't say that it has helped much. I still have troubles falling alseep. Right now my scedule seems to be off about 5 or 6 hours from what I am used to (going to sleep about 11am waking up at 6). Sometimes it is 3 or 4 am before I finally fall asleep. I am trying to slowly work it back towards normal. I have a month to get it there, so I have time.

Lets see, what else can I add today. I hope to go either this week or next weekend to see Howl's Moving Castle. It is the newest film by Hiyeo Miyazaki, who done Spirited Away and other great animated films. Of everyone that I have talked to here only 1 even knows about the movie, let alone will be seeing it. THe closest theater that is showing the movie is in Orlando, so it will be a bit of a drive for me to go see it, but I think it will be worth it. I will be going by myself, but that is ok. In this regard I wish I was back in Phoenix because the friends I had there liked to watch similiar types of things as me so I would be able to go with a group to see this movie. That is ok though. I do need to work on being more comfortable with myself and doing things because they are fun and not avoiding things just because there is no one else to do it with me.

Well, I think that is all for right now. I hope to get on and write a little something everyday. I would like to start putting up a list of the things that I have planned for the week, more to remind me of things then to let people know. So, I'll write more later on.

An update
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Dance Radio
Wow, been a long time since I posted anything on here. Lots of things have happened, lots of changes. Where to start?

Lets see, the school year is over, FINALLY! What a long year it was. Started with all the hurricanes and the mess that was the first 2 months of the year. Then, I agreed to take over a class at school since a teacher left. I got a little more money each month for that, which was nice, but I went the entire second semester without a break at school. On the upside I meet some other teachers. I have even hung out with them some. It is not a lot, but it is a start. It was a struggle to make it to the end of the year. I am glad that I took that extra class though. It was a wonderful experience. It was a regular ed math class, so I was able to see well I could do in that kind of class. I did really well. I know have an understanding of the regular ed classes, which will help me with my students, and will also help me when I do finally get into a regular ed position. On the last day of school I attended a celebration with a bunch of the new teachers that I had met. I had a little to drink that night (ok, so I got piss drunk) and a lot of fun with the people.

I currently awaiting the arrival of my two newest certificates. I already have my ESE Teaching Certificate and am now waiting for my Elementary Education and Middle Grades Curriculum Certificates to come in. I am also waiting on a letter from the school I graduated from. Once I have those papers I will send the, or copies of them, to Illinois. That will complete my application packet to get my Illinois Certification. once I have everything in I will begin looking for, and talking to people about, a teaching jon in or around Peoria. I know that at some time I will have to travel to Illinois to interview for jobs, but that is a very good thing.
Well, that is it for now. I need to get some sleep (or try to anyways). I will write more tomorrow.

More thoughts
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: My station at yahoo music
Ok, this should be interesting. I have been doing a lot of thinking, on my own or what other people have said to me in general conversations. One of these conversations brought me to this thought. When I moved from Arizona to Florida I left behind many friends (my words) and someone recently told me not to think of it like leaving one set of friends but instead think of it as gaining new friends. I would like to think of it this way, I really would, but it is hard. I could list here all the friends that I have made since I moved to Florida. Almost that entire list would also make up a list of the friends I've made here that i am no longer in contact with. The friendships I make here don't seem to be lasting. I don't know if it is me, them, or just the way things are. All of this just makes it easier for me to realize that Florida is not where I belong. I am currently doing the things I need to in order to get a teaching certificate in Illinois. If I was able to get a job there this fall I would take it and move right away. As it is I do not thing that I will be able to move until the summer of 2006 or 2007. There are some days when I am ready to get in my car and just leave, and there are days when I would like to stay here longer and try to make everything work out, though those days are coming less and less often. At the point I am at this very moment (that I write this) I am ready to move. I know that I can not move to Illinois without having things together to get a job there, but I am ready to move, be it to Illinois or back to Arizona. At this time the only things that are stopping me from moving is the lack of money to make a cross-country move and the lack of a job at the end of the move. I will be trying hard to save up what money I can so that I can make such a move next summer and will be working harder to get a job lined up in Illinois for the 2006-2007 school year. Once those two things are taken care of I will be moving. It is no longer a maybe on moving like it was when I first moved here, it is now I will move, it is just a matter of when. That is all the thoughts for now. more at a later date and time.

thoughts
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: nothing at this time
Tomorrow after I get off work I hope to make a post on here about some more thoughts I have had. This is a good place for me to just let my mind run free and post the things that have been going on in my head. Come back and take a look. Can't promise it will be good, but it ought to be interesting.

Thoughts about my life
Mood:  a-ok
Now Playing: Ian Van Dahl
I had a scare and I came through it ok, but not unscathed. I gave blood at the end of December and a few weeks later I got a letter from the blood bank stating that my blood tested positive for the hepatitus b core antibody, which means that I either am, or was, infected with hepatitus b. I went to my doctor and she ordered various blood tests, all of which came back negative, which means that I am not, nor ever have been, infected. This is very good news and better then what I thought the results might come back as (I thought that they would show that I had it but was no longer infected).

This whole thing gave me reason to think about my life and the way I do (or don't do) things. I had sex one time with one girl and four years later I got a big scare from this. One mistake. One problem. Where do I go from here? I don't have sex now and I do not think I will ever have sex until I am married. Will I ever get married? I don't know. At the moment that I am writting this entry I do not feel much like dating anyone for a long time. I have very few friends where I am living, and I rarely hang out with those friends. Between work and feeling tired all the time I don't get out much to meet new people. Do I want to date? Right now, I don't think I do. I know that I have problems within myself that I have to work out before I can begin to start dating again. This could take a long time but I am ok with that. I HAVE to get msyelf together before I worry about anyone else.

When all is said and done I can only blame myself for my problems. It seems that almost everything that has happened to me has been because of something I have done. There are some times when I wish I could blame someone else (a person, the president, the government, anyone) for my problems, but when I really look at the problems I usually only find my own fingerprints. This is a good thing in a way though because I know that if I stop making mistakes and messing my own life up then it should get better, at least that is my theory. I have yet to find a way to avoid the mistakes, but I will continue to work on it.